Are you the problem in your relationship?

Before you start blaming your partner when things are going wrong, it might be time to stop, step back and undertake some self-reflection. Here are some simple steps you can take to make sure you're on the same page with your partner, and help get you back on the right track.

Authenticity Counts

"To have a healthy relationship you need to be in touch with your authentic self," says Anne Hollonds, psychologist and CEO of Relationships Australia NSW. "When you have a handle on who you are, you can engage honestly with someone else." All too often, we inadvertently present a false sense of ourselves to our partners, making it easy to be misunderstood. It doesn't take long for misunderstandings to pile up. You become hurt and angry because your partner doesn't understand you, when it's you who isn't putting yourself out there in a clear, honest way.

What to do: To avoid misunderstandings creating a rift between you and your partner, clear the decks by presenting the real you in an open way. Hollonds suggests using the daily abrasions that occur between you and your partner as opportunities to reflect. Try putting yourself in your partner's shoes, she says. Ask yourself: "How might my partner feel when I react like that? Is there a more honest way of interacting?"

Identity differences

Searching for your soul mate? Someone who thinks, feels and likes all the same things as you? It might work in a Hollywood movie, but in reality it's not a healthy type of relationship as it grows out of unresolved insecurities. When your partner's thoughts, feelings and behaviours mirror your own, you're validated by the illusion of sameness and it's a way of avoiding uncertainty within the relationship. But it usually doesn't last. Eventually, when there is a difference of opinion, you feel threatened and invalidated. You begin to doubt the relationship because it's easier than taking a good look inside yourself for answers.

What to do: Dr Martien Snellen, psychiatrist and author of Rekindling Your Relationship After Childbirth (Text Publishing), says: "Don't kill off your relationship by expecting your partner to think, feel and behave the way you do. Instead, celebrate the differences." Make yourself open to diversity. When you do that, your relationship can become an exciting journey of growth and self-discovery.

Are you self-obsessed?

The "me" culture is rampant in our society. But when a strong sense of individual entitlement is taken into a relationship it can be catastrophic. Dr Snellen says: "When it's all about your needs it makes it very difficult to reach a compromise." When you don't get your needs met you feel let down and start to question the relationship.

What to do: Dr Snellen suggests you stop thinking about what's right for you and start thinking about what's best for the relationship. A loving relationship needs to be worked at. If you don't, complacency sets in and you start taking each other for granted.

Keep it real

It's normal to want to be close to your partner, but expecting your partner to make you feel complete is unhealthy. Love can be stifled by a constant need for validation. Instead of contributing to your partner's happiness, you're inclined to blame them for making you feel rotten.

What to do: "Communicate your needs without whingeing," Hollonds says. When we blame our partners for everything that's wrong in our lives we're ignoring our contribution to the problem. The next time you have a whinge, stop and ask yourself: "What can I do to resolve my problems?" When you take responsibility for how you feel, you put yourself back in control of your life.

9 Ways To Improve Your Relationship

1. Solidify your relationship

As an adult, an insecure attachment style is associated with a slew of relationship troubles, including jealousy, obsession, and emotional highs and lows. The good news is that, regardless of your present pattern, you can become more securely attached, or connected, to your partner by developing a deeper friendship. To do that, incrementally spend more time with her doing something you both enjoy. Also, regularly ask for updates on your partner’s likes, dislikes, current stress, and new interests, as people change over time.

2. Appreciate each other

Remember when you first started dating, how you used to go that extra mile to impress her? Well, one of the secrets to a long, fulfilling relationship is to continue to actively appreciate your partner. You don’t necessarily have to pull out all the stops the way you did back in the day, but regular efforts to show your partner that you appreciate her will do wonders for improving your relationship.

If you’re not sure where to start, a good place is by doling out daily compliments. Tell her she looks hot or thank her for organizational abilities when she reminds you to call your mother. The only rule is to make sure that you genuinely mean what you say.

3. Accept the unsolvable

If you find a problem seems to call up painful emotions, you’re looking at one that’s persistent. To stop this trouble from ruining your relationship, you’ll need to address the bigger issues underlying your difficulty. Take turns discussing with your partner what this loaded issue really means to you. When your partner is talking, your job is to listen, be nonjudgmental and to find something in her perspective that makes sense to you. When it’s your turn to talk, she should be doing the same thing. By treading more gently into touchy areas, you should at least be able to agree to disagree or make some small concessions for one another.

4. Break negative cycles

Troubled relationships tend to follow a demand-withdraw pattern. That means that one person tends to be more critical and demanding, while the other tends to withdraw or shut down in response to conflict.

Douglas Tilley, a proponent of emotion-focused therapy, notes that 85% of the time men tend to be the withdrawer. The reason may be biological - men’s cardiovascular systems are more responsive to stress, so tuning out your mate is an attempt to avoid uncomfortable sensations. To break the negative pattern of conflict in your relationship, next time things get heated, let your partner know what’s going on with you by saying: “I can see this issue is important to you. I’m feeling too angry to discuss it right now, though, so let’s come back to it once we’ve cooled off.”

5. Understand anger

Think back to the last argument you had with your partner and use this new knowledge to look for hidden messages in what you and your partner were each trying to communicate. Attempting to disregard the angry tone you both used and trying to tune in to what you were each really trying to say will help you to see that you both have needs in your relationship that make sense. For instance, “You’re a workaholic!” might really mean “I miss you and want to spend more time with you.”

6. Find common goals

A study conducted in collaboration with a dating site in the UK found that 13% of couples reported no longer having the same goals. This situation represents a ticking time bomb, as research has shown that couples who share dreams and goals have longer-lasting, more satisfying relationships.

If you feel like you’ve been out of sync lately with your partner on this front, discuss your philosophy of life together. The aim is for both of you to share what you want your life to be about, where you want to end up and what these things mean to you. Look for anything that’s common between the two of you and talk about ways to work toward that aspiration together.

7. Share power

When a man is not willing to share power with his relationship partner, John Gottman’s research indicates there is an 81% chance that his relationship will self-destruct. While hoarding power may have got you ahead in your career, this strategy will backfire in your relationship because your girlfriend will end up feeling like her opinions aren’t valuable and she doesn’t matter to you.

To help save your relationship, develop a more accepting attitude toward compromise. Practice by giving in on issues you don’t feel extremely invested in.

8. Don't distort

Researchers have known for a long time that unhappy couples focus on the negatives in their relationships.

An early study by Robinson and Price (1980) found that unhappy couples underestimated the occurrence of pleasurable events in their relationships by 50%. Also, Fincham, Beach and Baucom (1987) found that individuals in distressed relationships were prone to attributing negative intentions to their partner’s behavior. If you find yourself stuck in this rut of distorted thinking, the next time you have a negative thought about something your partner has done try to come up with a more neutral explanation for her actions.

Another strategy is to consider whether you would judge yourself so harshly if the situation were reversed. Finally, remind yourself often of the good times you’ve spent together recently.

9. Concentrate on the present to ensure your future

Interestingly, the ability of your relationship to weather tough times has a lot to do with your mutual availability in the here and now. Unfortunately, over time, for a variety of reasons, many couples move further apart from each other, meaning that when a rough patch hits, their relationship doesn’t survive.

To build a rock-solid relationship, start by acknowledging rather than ignoring the ordinary moments in your relationship. If your partner wants to share something she’s reading on the net, for example, take a minute to listen, even if you simply grunt in response. It may sound strange, but if you accumulate enough of the little things, when you really need your partner, you’ll find she’s there for you.

10 Signs He is In Love With You

How do you know the guy you’re seeing loves you? How can you tell he’s really falling for you and it’s not a fling to him? Many a woman has wondered this, and while there’s no magic formula there are some reliable signs that he’s head over heels for you.

1. He'll change his plans to be with you

He will drop his plans or whatever he’s doing to help you, or be with you. This signals that you are a priority and his care and concern centers around you.

2. He makes it known you're important to him

He makes it known to you that you are important to him. This can be in a variety of ways: he could say it, but he could also show it by appreciating you, appreciating the things he knows are important to you, responding to calls, texts and emails quickly and lovingly, and integrating you into his daily life.

3. He includes you in his social life

He introduces you to his family, and circle of friends. More than once. He is affectionate with you in front of them and uses “we” a lot. It’s a big deal to integrate a new partner into your life, your close circle and your loved one, so if he’s gone beyond the initial introduction and including you in his social life with people who are meaningful, then it’s very likely love, or on its way to love.

4. He talks about his hopes and dreams for the future with you

He discusses future plans together. Not just about your relationship, but shares his dreams for the future. If he considers you part of his future, then you can tell it’s serious. But you can also tell if his feelings are deepening if he talks about his hopes and dreams for the future generally, and wants to share them with you. He wants you to know him and that increases intimacy and love.

5. He values your opinion

He seeks your opinion on matters that are personal and values the opinion you share. In a true partnership, both partners will value one another perspectives, wisdom and opinions. If he is doing this, then you’re in his heart and mind.

6. He does things he may not enjoy, simply because it makes you happy

He does things he make not like very much, but knows you like, and that’s important enough for him. Love is often a choice, to extend you for and towards another person. If your man does things for you that you know he’d never choose himself, whether it’s a big or a little thing, it’s probably love.

7. He listens to you

He doesn’t just lust you but also listens to you. You can tell love is happening when he’s just as happy or almost talking with you and building your connection outside the bedroom as spending every minute together taking one another clothes off.

8. He's by your side looking after you when you're sick

He takes care of you if you’re sick. Men aren’t always known for being the best nurses, but if his nurturing and caring instincts kick in when you’re sick and he asks what you need, and genuinely wants to do what he can for you, then you know he thinks you’re pretty special.

9. He's interested in knowing everything about you

He wants to know everything about you, wants to meet your family, get to know your friends, and is deeply interested in your life, thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams. If he’s really falling in love with you, he will be intensely interested in everything about you and your world.

10. He makes an effort

He’s romantic with you – which don’t necessarily mean chocolates, cuddles and flowers, but rather means he makes the effort and time to find out what’s meaningful to you as a woman to be desired and adored, and then does that with his own thought and flair. And to top it all off, he tells you he loves you.

7 Worst First Date Mistakes

What were you up to last Saturday? If you were home alone, watching re-runs of Friends or if you were being slapped outside of a restaurant after a terrible date, then chances is you’re making one of these seven worst first date mistakes. Find out what you’re doing wrong and how you can crack the first-date challenge.

Worst first date mistake 1: You played hard to get

Your friends might tell you that playing hard to get is the key to securing a guy, but the last time they went on a date was when they were 14. Don’t play hard to get. It will turn your date off and even if they did like you, by the time it’s time to pay the bill they’ll have lost that loving feeling.

What to do on your next first date: Don’t act as if you are head-over-heels in love with your date, but do give them signals that you’re interested. Touch their arm gently or look into their eyes for a few seconds and smile. Little hints like this are enough to keep them interested.

Worst first date mistake 2: Wandering eyes

Even if the hottest man you have ever seen or the sexiest woman in the world walks in to the bar where you and your date are having a drink, be strong and do not check them out. Your date will be aware that a gorgeous guy or girl entered the bar too and they will probably watch you to gauge your reaction. If you stare at them, drooling over their toned behind, your date will be hurt, humiliated and might assume you lack loyalty.

What to do on your next first date: If you really are desperate to gawk, just wait five minutes and excuse yourself whilst you go to the bathroom. Then, when you make your way back to your table admire the hot tie in secret.

Worst first date mistake 3: You asked permission

There is nothing more off-putting than having someone ask for your permission to kiss them. It shows you lack confidence, assertiveness and, if you have to ask, the moment clearly isn’t right. Although, on no account, should you be too aggressive, asking to kiss someone is a classic first date mistake.

What to do on your next first date: Try to work out why you ask permission. If you ask permission because you lack confidence read some tips on how to be a better kisser. Also don’t over-think the moment because, despite the hype, the first kiss isn’t the be all and end all.

Worst first date mistake 4: Be silent and mysterious

Although the brooding and silent type of guy and girl seems sexy in movies, in real life you just come across as aloof, arrogant or painfully shy. Instead of being silent, you need to showcase your personality. A study undertaken at Iowa University found that those couples who had similar personalities were more likely to stay together longer.

What to do on your next first date: Scrap the attitude and instead talk about topics that show the person you’re dating who you are and what you are like. Not only will your date be more interested in you, you’ll probably have more fun as well.

Worst first date mistake 5: Talk about how you cheated

One of the worst first date mistakes is to talk about how you cheated on your ex. In a study undertaken by researchers at Cornell University it was found that the trait both men and women rated highest was fidelity. In fact, being faithful was ranked as being more important than attraction, wealth and status.

What to do on your next first date: Avoid talking about your ex and don’t mention that you broke their heart because of your night-time antics with the girl or guy next door. Although you’ll have to tell them the truth at some point, the first date is not the time or the place.

5 Ways To Date Like A Man

We noticed that men seem to have more freedom than women when it comes to dating, so it’s time to mix things up a little. If you’re a single lady on the dating scene, why not add a little testosterone to your technique? Take a leaf out of his little black book with these five ways to date like a man:

1. Act like you own the place

Some men seem to bag a date in one confident sweeping motion and before we even notice, boom – we’re off on a date with this stranger. Just how do they do it? They seem to casually walk into the room, eye their prey, approach them, and Bob’s their uncle. It never happens in quite the same way when we spot a rather attractive man. The male secret to getting a date with the woman or women they like is by acting like they own the place to attract attention, before walking boldly over to their chosen lady for a chat. If you spot someone you like, don’t wait for him to come over to you. Instead, approach the situation like a man and get yourself noticed by entering the room like you’re a woman on a mission. Think posture, smiles, and eye contact and you’ll grab his attention in a shot – now just walk over for a chat. Go you.

2. Play the field

Unless you’ve lied to everyone you’ve been dating about your single status, there’s really no reason to feel guilty if you’ve been on a few dates with other men. It’s not fair for women to feel like they need to settle down with someone they’ve been on one date with; this defeats the object of dating. To date like a man, don’t worry about what others think or say. As the saying goes “you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince”, and if this is the case for you, play the field. Men would run a mile if they felt like they had to marry the first woman they went on a date with. In fact, they probably wouldn’t date at all. To date like a man, leave your feelings of guilt at home and just enjoy the company of those who are lucky enough to date you.

3. Hide your emotions

When was the last time you saw a man pouring his heart out to a woman he’s been on a few dates with (aside from the drunken one falling out of the club)? Never? Shocker. If you like a gentleman after a few dates, hide your emotions to keep him guessing – the chances are he’s doing it too. When you’re chatting, be careful with the questions you ask and don’t make it obvious if you’re checking him out as potential marriage material. No matter how much he likes you, he will never show his emotions when you’re still in the dating zone.

4. Don’t think about what you’re wearing

We spend so long worrying about looking classy and sexy and demure and attention-grabbing. Take a moment to gather your thoughts and then gather together the first clothes you see in your wardrobe. Voila – there’s your date outfit sorted. Men don’t worry about having heels that match their dress, or lipstick to match their clutch bag. It’d be a bit strange if they did.

5. Be selfish

Once you’ve mastered the art of dating like a man, there will come a time when you’ll find the man of your dreams who you’d like to settle down with. In this case, don’t feel guilty about ditching the other men you’ve been dating. Tell them the truth and don’t look back. Once you’ve narrowed it down to one special man, don’t be afraid to be selfish; find the perfect balance between seeing him and having your own hobbies. You may have had to kiss a few frogs and resort to a few manly tactics, but you certainly found your prince.

10 Questions You Should Ask The Person You Are Dating

If you were going for a job interview you would have a huge list of questions to ask the company, so why would you not prepare some questions for your date? Here we show you 10 of the best questions to ask your date to find out if they are right for you.

1. Are you a saver or a spender?

Although we all like to think money doesn’t matter when it comes to love, if you’re going to get serious with your date you need to know if they are a saver or a spender and understand how their attitude to money corresponds to your habits.

How to ask this question: To subtly ask this question ask your date where they went away this year. If the location seems to be within their means when you consider their job then your date is probably good with cash.

2. Are you seeing anyone else?

Establishing where you stand and what kind of relationship you are in is really important if you don’t want to end up hurt or hurting your date. Find out what they think your relationship is to avoid unnecessary confusion.

How to ask this question: There is no subtle way of asking this question and it is best to simply ask it directly. Prepare another topic of conversation though in case the situation becomes awkward once you have asked.

3. The list

Once you’ve been dating for a little while and you think you could get serious with your date it’s time to write down the names of every person you have dated or slept with. You might think nothing is worth this humiliation, but finding out three months into a relationship that your boyfriend slept with your sister and never called her back is not a fate anyone should have to suffer.

How to ask this question: Watching a film where a couple write a list of people they dated is a great way to introduce the idea and will help you to ask this question.

4. Do you have children?

You would be surprised by the amount of people who don’t ask whether their date has kids and by how many parents struggle to tell their date that they have children when not asked.

How to ask this question: If you want to ask this question you could talk about one of your friends or relatives who have kids and then after telling a funny anecdote about their children casually asks your date if they have children.

5. Why did you break up?

Why past relationships in your date’s life broke down can reveal a great deal about your date. Not only can you judge their values from past break ups, you can also begin to understand any insecurities they may have inherited as a result of their ex. Remember though, their explanation for a break up is just one side of the story.

How to ask this question: Avoid talking about exes on your first few dates, but after you’ve gone out together four or five times then you could begin to talk about your own ex and how you broke up. Once you’ve finished you can then ask about your current dates past break ups.

6. Religion and politics

Religion and politics are very sensitive topics and in part they are sensitive because they are important to people. Knowing how your views about the world correspond will help you understand one another better and help you judge whether you have a future together.

How to ask this question: To ask directly what someone’s religious and political views are can be seen as being blunt and it can sometimes be best to ask questions about your date’s life and their opinions on current affairs, which in turn will reflect their religious and political views.

7. Can I meet your friends?

This is a very telling question and you need to watch your date’s reaction closely if you want to understand how they feel about you. If they seem really keen for you to meet their friends then it’s a sign they really like you, but if your date seems a little hesitant perhaps they’re not quite ready for that level of commitment yet.

How to ask this question: Wait for your date to talk about one of their friends or what they got up to at the weekend before asking whether you could meet their friends soon. This will make the question seem less planned and it will seem more natural.

8. Marriage

If you’ve got your heart set on tying the knot or if you can’t see yourself ever wanting to get married then it’s best to share your opinion on weddings as early as possible. Although the connection you feel is important, for a relationship to work your plans for the future have to complement each other, so be honest and share your thoughts about marriage.

How to ask this question: Chances are if you’re thinking about weddings then so are your friends. If someone you know gets engaged or actually has their wedding whilst you are dating use this opportunity to bring up the topic of marriage.

9. Pets

It seems like the silliest of things when you begin dating but if your date is a big dog lover and you can’t stand animals then this may cause a big problem five years down the line.

How to ask this question: Ask your date if they have any pets. If they don’t then ask them why; they may be pet-less because of their circumstances and not because they don’t desperately want animals.

10. Hobbies

When they are single, people tend to fill their lives up with friends, volunteering, hobbies and work. Yet once you start to date someone seriously you need them to give up some of their activities in order to give your relationship the time and attention it needs to succeed. Some people struggle to do this though and it can cause a lot of heartache.

How to ask this question: Ask your date what the most important things in their life are and try to gauge whether their sports team is always going to be number one in their life.

6 Ways To A Happy, Healthy Relationship

Contrary to what your favorite rom-com would have you believe, a happy relationship doesn't just happen. Here are 6 ways to make sure your relationship is on track.

1. Pay attention to your tone when you talk

It may seem like a small thing, but it can have a big effect. People respond well to a soft tone and immediately get hostile or defensive towards a harsh one. Be aware not just what you say to your partner in a daily way, but how you say it. A sweet tone as well as a sweet approach will minimize any clashes between you and make the daily grind less difficult and just more pleasant.

2. Listen without your walls, guards, and counter arguments at the ready

As important as it is to communicate your own needs, hopes and expectations in your relationship it’s equally crucial to hear your partner too. When couples are disconnected, bickering or outright hostile, the tendency to listen is at a low point. But if that’s when you choose to “lay down your guns”, stop arguing back, and just hear their point of view, it’s a fast track to bringing you closer again, and back to happy, healthy connected communication. Sometimes to truly hear your partner when your negative emotional brain is clouding your listening ability, it’s a good strategy to paraphrase what they are saying to you so it sinks in and you can hear it in your own voice to better absorb it.

3. Make a conscious effort to smile, and be approachable

If you’re in an argument in your relationship, sit down then, or make an arrangement to sit down together to talk it through sooner rather than later. If there are small squabbles between you, live your life as positively as possible. Scowling through your day only magnifies issues and difficulties and improves nothing. Regardless of how your partner is behaving, if you are nice it will rub off. It’s hard to be mean, unkind or abrasive to someone who is being genuinely caring and kind, even when they are still kind of mad! Fix what you can from your end, be the partner you want to have, and watch the positive effect that has, without a single argument.

4. Have empathy

Before becoming deeply engaged in arguments and conflict, try to pause for a moment to see the other person's perspective. True partners are always doing the best they can, and if it’s falling short of your needs and expectations, try to see why before criticizing. And if there is a legitimate reason to complain, do it in a productive way rather than a fight-provoking one. That means first acknowledging where they are coming from, so they feel understood right off the bat, and then expressing what your need or expectation is despite or above that. For example, "I know you’re tired in the evening after a long day at work and an early start, and I’m tired too, but I could really use a little more help at night with the chores/children etc." Rather than attack for lack of helpfulness, acknowledge why they might not be helping as much and point out why you need an adjustment to your established routine.

5. Keep the big picture in mind

Choose your battles and remember what’s most important. If you want a harmonious relationship, remember why you chose your partner, and remind yourself that every day you choose to be with them and they choose you too. Let go of some of the smaller issues. Would you divorce over the dishwasher? Not every fight needs to be a five alarm fire. Simmer down if you’re butting heads a lot and remember that being happy together is the most important detail to focus on.

6. Stay invested in your relationship

Feeling distant or disconnected? Do something fun together, take a class, learn together, and grow together. Play together too! Get the passions sizzling again if it has been awhile? How? Take an online course like Passion and Pleasure together.

3 Easy Ways To Attract Love Like A Magnet

If you are still single and yearning for that someone special to come into your life, to share your life, and to share all the laughter and joy of being together, there is something you could do to attract your true love like a magnet.

1. You must believe you are able to attract true love.

This is important! In order to attract your true love, not just any type of lovers, to come into your life, you have to believe you are able to attract the right person into your life. True love comes to you not because of chance. Instead, it comes to you because of who you are. It comes through you; it does not come to you. You attract the people in your life because of who you are. If you are someone who is always cheery, generous, kind, and hardworking, then it is very likely you will attract people who have one or more of your positive attributes. Whoever you attract into your lives is a reflection of who you are at that moment. Thus if you are someone who is always doubtful of your own ability and capability to meet the right person, then it is very likely you will attract the wrong person into your life.

2. Love others who come into your life at this moment.

Being loving to others is perfect love, not just wanting love. Open up your heart and give your love to others as well while you are waiting for someone special to enter your life. When you open up and give more love, more love will return and be given you too. This is the law of give and receives. When you go outside and socialize, do not go with the intention of only wanting to find love, or to find your Mr or Mrs Right. Instead, take an interest in all those that you encounter, be aware of their welfare and needs as well. If you start to take an interest in other people's welfare and needs instead of only your own, more people will be attracted to you. So, detach yourself from the feeling that you want to find that someone special. The right person will definitely come to you one day and be attracted to you because of who you are. He or she might be around in corner thinking: "Hey, I want to get to know this person who has so much magnetism and optimism. How can I approach him or her?"

3. Expect less from other people and give more instead.

As you give more and more love to others, be careful not to become too much focused on your own wants and needs. In wanting or expecting to experience the love we want, we suffer. We crave, and we cling to what we do not have and we even refuse to let go what we have clung to. Your giving should not come with any conditions. Instead, the love you give should want less and less. As your love wants less and less, ironically you will find more love coming your way, even without you asking for it.

Give true love, so that it opens up and embrace the world. Very soon, you will find that someone special entering your life. It is not by chance that this person has entered your life, but you have cultivated the 'seeds' to bring him or her to you, not just any type of person, but the right and true one for you. And after he or she has entered your life, continue to cultivate even more 'seeds' of love for everyone around you, and you will find that you can easily create the magical relationship that you desire effortlessly.

Why Men Lose Interest?

It's a painful experience to be deeply connected with a man, only to find him pulling away and losing interest. Have you ever been with a man who seemed to really like you, only to begin distancing himself and saying he really wasn’t ready for a commitment? Why is it that he ends up marrying the next woman he dates? Was he lying when he said he wasn't ready for a commitment?

The answer comes down to deep emotional attraction. In all likelihood, he was not lying when he said he wasn't ready for a commitment. In fact, unlike women, a man’s default mode is that he is not ready for or even looking for a commitment.

It takes a special kind of deep emotional attraction for a man to feel compelled to keep a woman in his life with a shared promise of committed intentions for the future. Knot represents a connected couple. What creates that intense emotional bond for men? I can tell you one thing for certain. Men experience relationships for what they are here and now, in the present moment.

This is a stereotype, but because there is so much truth in it you would be foolish to ignore its implications for your relationship. Research with men and women in the early stages of dating relationships has shown that women typically consider themselves to be "in a relationship" by the time the third date rolls around.

In contrast, men do not consider themselves to be “in a relationship” until several months of exclusive dating have occurred. Even when he's exclusively dating one woman, a man will be surprised when his counterpart suggests the relationship is exclusive. Why is that? Again, it comes back to the fact that men tend to spend less time plotting and planning the course of their lives in terms of relationships. Men do not define their lives (as much) by where things seem to be going in a relationship.

For your man to reach a point where he desires a committed relationship, something very significant must occur first. He must experience an intense emotional attraction that causes him to feel less alive when he is not in your presence.

Develop Self- Confidence He Can’t Resist

Would you like to have real self-confidence? This article is talking about the kind of confidence that is rooted so deep it is literally unshakable. It is about the kind of confidence you see in a mother when she needs to protect her infant. There's no self-doubt or bashfulness. Her actions flow from a place of certainty. Emotions may be present, but they do not run the show. Her mind remains resolutely focused on the goal. You can't pull rank on her and she doesn't care how big you are or what kind of car you drive.

What if you could have that kind of confidence when you approach the dating scene? Not the fierce part, but the confident, secure part. That kind of confidence comes from knowing with certainty what you want. That kind of certainty comes from having a solid plan and no hesitation to take action when you see the openings you know to look for.

Wouldn't it feel great? Wouldn't you love to have an unshakable sense of purpose, identity and direction when it comes to meeting and interacting with men? It is always start with you. If you are absolutely sure of what you want, you won't feel nervous about making relationship decisions. The more certain you become about what you want in a relationship and a man, the more confidence you will feel about setting boundaries, asking for what you want, or pursuing someone who might or might not reciprocate your interest.

Embrace Failure

Letting go of fear becomes easier when you accept "failure" as a valuable strategy. Dorothea Brande has been quoted for her famous statement on the best method to achieve success, "Act as though it is impossible to fail." Combine this with the wisdom of T.J. Watson, the president of IBM. "Would you like the formula for success?" Watson asks. "Double your rate of failure."

How can you succeed by failing more often? Many successful people swear by this method. If you are always cautious and terrified of mistakes, you don't try much and you don't learn much. People who are willing to fail embrace it and lose their fear of taking action in the process. 

When it comes to dating, you will fail some of the time. The only way to be highly confident when dating is to accept failure as a part of the dating process. Don't think of setbacks and letdowns as something terrible that needs to be controlled at all costs. Instead, embrace failure as something natural that is "okay." Embracing this simple shift in your belief system can dramatically increase your confidence.

Always Know Your BATNA

BATNA stands for "best alternative to negotiated agreement." It's a concept that is extremely useful to you in many different areas of your life. Basically, it's about forming an unshakable sense of certainty when negotiating for what you want.

I wish it wasn't the case, but the unfortunate truth is men often need to be told how to behave in relationships. It's like we men are kind of wild. We're not tame beasts. We can love passionately, but sometimes we need a woman to compassionately explain what is and what is not okay, and to do so with the kind of certainty and steady gaze that lets us know she's telling us how it is rather than "discussing emotions."

Imagine you go to your landlord to complain about the broken stairway railing. Knowing your BATNA before you start the conversation gives you a tremendous advantage and boosts your confidence. Let's say you have nowhere else to live and know you can't afford the other rental options in town. In that case, your best alternative to getting him to agree to fix that railing might be to ignore it for a while.

On the other hand, you may have plenty of options for other rental situations. In that case, your BATNA is clear. If, after negotiating for a few minutes, he does not agree to have it fixed on his dime by next Friday, you tell him you are moving out at the end of the month. Suddenly you have the upper hand in the negotiation. You can afford to push the issue, because if he doesn't eventually agree, you can pull out your BATNA. In this case, your BATNA is to threaten moving out, because you know it really is a better option to you than living with the broken banister.

In relationships, you should negotiate for what you want. Do so in a way that gives full respect to the other person's right to walk away from a relationship rather than agree to your terms. When you know what you want in a relationship, you can talk about it openly. When you have a BATNA about certain issues like intimacy, moving in, commitment, or spending time together, you don't have to agonize about, "What if he gets mad and leaves me." Your confidence is high when you already worked out in your mind that you would be better off looking for someone more compatible if he doesn't agree on certain key issues that matter a lot to you.

Rely more on Attraction than Chasing

Most women have at least some degree of innate understanding of the factors that attract men. But this article is about supper confidence, not mediocre confidence. Let's say you've realized that your choice of mate is ‘The Most Important’ life decision you can make. Doesn't that mean you should try to understand your man as deeply as possible?

The problem is that men are mysterious, even to themselves. They often don't understand their own emotions and desires. This makes it rather difficult to know how to maximally attract them while sidestepping the landmines that can obliterate a relationship just when it was getting good.

Meet and Keep The Right Man

Naomi Miller, a relationship consultant and author has not just pumped out yet another "dating program" into an already over-saturated market. Naomi's Meet and Keep The Right Man can be more accurately described as a the "Dating Bible for Women." It is quite simply one of the most comprehensive, complete, and precise guides to finding, attracting and keeping the right man you will ever read. What makes it so much different than other dating publications on the market?

Well first of all, it's not just a "dating tips" program; it's a step by step dating and relationship program. This may seem like semantics or wordplay at first, but once you've read just the first chapters, there will be no doubt in your mind that pursuing that "perfect man" or dating as many guys as possible  is not only the wrong goal, it may be the reason that you've failed to find the right man for the relationship. Meet and Keep The Right Man shows you exactly why you should fix the problem that's holding you back from finding and keeping the right man for you, and not by using guesswork and grabbing the most attractive guy in the room and then goes on to show you exactly how to do it.

Secondly, what makes Meet and Keep The Right Man different is the amount of attention that is paid to each and every element required to select, attract and date the right man and achieve that desired loving and meaningful relationship. Meet and Keep The Right Man not only thoroughly discusses the lies, myths and fallacies surrounding a very confusing subject, it is simply the most detailed book about dating and relationship ever written.

The Meet and Keep The Right Man book is quite extensive, over 200 pages of rock solid content, which tackles the dating scene and man-woman relationship from an equality and practical point of view using a unique individual and respectful approach. That means there aren't any sexist tips or pop-psychology advice.

In the Meet and Keep The Right Man core formula section (The 5 step system) - Nothing is held back. In this section, Naomi gives a detailed overview of each step, and then dives into the specifics in a perfect chronological order. There are also outstanding charts and checklists which make it very easy to know where you are at in the program and follow it.

If there is any drawback to the Meet and Keep The Right Man e-book, it's that it contains so much information, that some readers may find it a bit overwhelming. Those who are looking for a quick start type of dating program might be a bit intimated at first. The good part however, is that even these types of readers can feel confident and assured that it will be worth the effort because this will literally be the last book they ever have to buy on the subject.

Who will benefit most from Meet and Keep The Right Man?

In the broadest sense, every woman that wants to meet, attract and keep the most suitable man for her and build lasting relationship with him will benefit from Meet and Keep The Right Man.

In terms of graphic design, Meet and Keep The Right Man is a clean and professionally formatted PDF e-book. It is well organized and ideal for printing and reading in the comfort of your own home.

This impressive and unique publication has changed many lives and the hundreds of inspiring testimonials and success stories are found on the Meet and Keep The Right Man website archives as proof.

Anyone looking for a quick fix gimmick dating guide, anyone looking to be told fairy-tales, and anyone looking for a "magic bullet" or hyped up seduction programs should not waste his or her time with Meet and Keep The Right Man.

On the other hand, anyone searching for the truth about dating men and is willing to make a lifestyle change to boost her self-confidence and optimize herself to irresistible and go out and find the right man,  will find Meet and Keep The Right Man to be one of the best investments they ever made in their lives. Click here to learn more about Naomi Miller's Meet and Keep The Right Man.

How To Get Your Ex Back

 

The question of how to get your ex to text you back is no cut-and-dry answer, and before you try to get your ex to respond to your texts, take mind of the following consideration.

The consideration is how long has it been since the breakup. If it's been only a few days, you are not on the right path to ever getting your ex to text you back nor getting your ex back as well. In fact, what you're doing is pushing them further away.

You cannot convince someone to talk to you who doesn't want to. They have to decide this on their own, and constantly texting them when they don't want you to is called harassment. If you're doing this you need to chill out.

Seriously, before you learn how to get your ex to text you back, you need to stop pissing them off. Chances are they don't want to talk to you that soon after a breakup, and nothing you can do will make them want to talk to you.

Just back off for a bit and give your ex space. Let them cool off and let them have the gift of missing you. This is what is known as the no contact rule, and yes it's the literal meaning of its name. No contact means no contact.

You'll need to learn more about the rules of no contact in order to use it correctly. Make no mistake that it's important to know why and how the no contact rule works. This stage is important to carry out before you try to re-establish contact with your ex. Do not use no contact if you have kids with your ex, however.

When you've let enough time gone by and given enough space to your ex, you may try to text them to see their interest level in you. However, make sure you stay away from sending "Nothing Texts".

How to Get and Keep Your Lover

Most of the articles I've read about relationships center on how to get a girl to like you, how to get a guy to like you, how to attract a girl or a guy, how to get a girl or guy back. But the one thing that I don't see often, if at all, is how to keep your guy or girl interested in you for the rest of his or her life.

This may sound a little too ambitious for the average writer but, think of it this way, you finally meet the man or woman of your dreams, you date, and you have your usual fights as most couples do, you get married and, with or without children, you're talking about getting a divorce and splitting assets.

Over the years, people have opened up about their relationships and why they think they failed. For one thing, people change, their expectations change, and their spouse no longer look at them with stars in their eyes. And that's the key. Their spouse no longer looks at them with stars in their eyes.

Getting someone to like you or be attracted to you is the easy part. Falling in love with your spouse over and over and over again, is the hard part. And, yes, it does take falling in love with your spouse repeatedly to keep the spark alive.

Communication, or the lack of communication seems to be the big bugaboo, but didn't you notice this when you fell in love with each other? Why did you get married to him or her? What made you want to spend the rest of your life with him or her?

Those are probably the big questions because they tell the story of what a couple has going for them. Life does get in the way countless times, but didn't life get in the way when you were so busy falling in love? How did you overcome the obstacles at the beginning of your relationship?

If you want to keep the love lights burning, go back in time to your earliest memories of your spouse and the reason you were so much in love that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him or her. It doesn't happen by chance; it happens when two people are committed to each other and they love each other as much now, as they did when they were dating.

Sure, there are major problems now that weren't there when you first fell in love with each other, but the mechanics are still there. If you suddenly decide you're bored with your spouse and you feel trapped by marriage, ask yourself what changed, and what part did you play in those changes? And then get back to looking at your spouse as if he or she is the most important person in your life.

How To Manage A Love Relationship Successfully

Relationships such as marriages, live-ins, romance or any other kind of love relationship can be sustained with a happy note to them if you follow some of the secret rules. A relationship is completely subjective and there are no clear cut rules that can be executed on it and yet, when you follow certain guidelines, it may help you make your relationship a happy one. Here is how.

Breakup is not the solution

Many people will tell you that a breakup is the best possible way to solve the problems that crop up in a love relationship. It is actually the biggest mistake one could ever commit. The reason for increased divorce rates around the world can be attributed to the mentality of people, who think of separation as the only solution to all problems even before actually getting into a relationship. Divorce and separation are never an option, but people think of it as the optimum solution to every problem in a relationship. Do not even think of separation or divorce since these are simply the by-products of the happiness you experience in a relationship. Only in situations, where it is inevitable should a divorce be the solution.


Never be afraid

Another secret to a happy relationship is that you should be open and frank with your partner. Do not be afraid to express your views to your partner and never make him or her scared to tell you his or her mind to you. When people communicate with each other, they are going to find issues melting down. An issue, when kept in mind for a few days, can result in anger, hatred, frustration, dislike, etc. and they can get expressed in the most undesirable manner. Let the communications between you and your partner open up and no one should hold the words that he or she wishes to express.

Always support each other

Never ever make your partner feel unsupported by you. No matter what your ideas and opinions are, know that you are the only one that he or she can lean on for some support. When the two of you feel unsupported by each other, it would only result in an argument. However, in public, both of you would have only one option, which is holding hands and comforting one another. Once the two of you have decided to live together, then there should be no questions regarding why you wish to stay together.

10 Ways to Build Happy Relationships

Making good relationships is very important for people who find real partners or true love. Some people get successful and they get married happily because they know how to keep good relationship with each other. But some people failed and at the end they separated. Below are some tips to find pure love and be truly happy in your relationship.

1. Use relationships to teach you how to be whole within

Relationships aren’t about having another person complete you, but coming to the relationship whole and sharing your life interdependently. By letting go of the romantic ideal of merging and becoming “one,” you learn as Rainer Maria Rilke says, to love the distances in relationship as much as the togetherness.

2. See your partner for who he or she really is

The romantic tragedy occurs when you view the person you are in love with as a symbol of what they have come to represent, the idea of them. When you realize that more often than not you don’t really know your partner, you begin to discover who they are and how they change and evolve.

3. Be willing to learn from each other

The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself. 

4. Get comfortable being alone

In order to accept that love can’t rescue you from being alone, learn to spend time being with yourself. By feeling safe and secure to be on your own within the framework of relationship, you will feel more complete, happy, and whole.

5. Expand your heart

One thing that unites us is that we all long to be happy. This happiness usually includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create real intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you. It’s easier to recognize the good in your partner when you’re connected to the good in yourself.

6. Look closely at why a fight may begin

Some couples create separateness by fighting and then making up over and over again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating drama and avoiding real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you’ll have a better sense of why you’re fighting and likely will fight far less. 

7. Own who you are
 

We generally grasp at romantic love because we’re yearning for something that is out of reach, something in another person that we don’t think we possess in ourselves. Unfortunately, when we finally get love, we discover that we didn’t get what we were looking for. True love only exists by loving yourself first. You can only get from another person what you’re willing to give yourself.

8. Expand your heart

One thing that unites us is that we all long to be happy. This happiness usually includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create real intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you. It’s easier to recognize the good in your partner when you’re connected to the good in yourself.

9. Focus on giving love

Genuine happiness is not about feeling good about ourselves because other people love us; it’s more about how well we have loved ourselves and others. The unintentional outcome of loving others more deeply is that we are loved more deeply.

10. Let go of expectations

You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else. Draw upon your own inner resources to offer love and attention to yourself when you need it. Then you can let love come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.