Do Some People Only Talk To You When They Want Something?

Although relationships can be based on give and take, they can also be out of balance. When this happens, one person can give and another person can take, and this is going to lead to problems.

Normal

However, this is not to say that either of these people will realize that they are out of balance, as it could be something that is outside of their awareness. If one is used to giving more than they receive, it could be how their life has always been. And if one is used to receiving more than they give, this could also be how their life has been for as long as they can remember. The person who always gives could be fed up with what is taking place, but the person who always receives could have a radically different experience.

Part of Life

Yet even though one person can be in a position where they have had enough of being taken advantage of, it doesn't mean that they will do anything about it. For one thing, they could believe that it is just how life is. On the other hand, the other person can be used to getting what they want and so they might not see any reason why they should change. This is then part of their life and they will be happy for it to continue.

Reaching Out

As a result of this, the person who gives is more likely to reach out for support than the person who receives. This is because they are not going to be happy with how their life is; whereas the kind of experience that the other person has can stop them from doing anything. In fact, they could believe that other people should take care of their needs, and there will then be no reason for them to change. So if other people have a problem with their behaviour, it could be normal for them to dismiss it.

A High Turnover

Through being indifferent to the needs of others, it can mean that they don't have the same people in their life for very long. In the beginning someone might not realize what is taking place and then as time passes, it could soon become clear. But even if this did have a negative effect on them, it could be an experience that soon passes. They could believe that there is nothing wrong with their behaviour, and that other people are the problem.

Hangers-On

When one is used having people in their life who generally take, they could find that the same people stay around. Now, this is not to say that they are always there; what it can come down to is that they may have been in one's life for quite some time. At times, one might not hear form them for a few months, and at other times, they could hear from them a few times in the same week, for instance. The reason they stay around is not because they appreciate them, it is because they know they will be there to meet their needs.

From Time To Time

There could be moments when one does receive things from these kinds of people, but even if they do, it is unlikely to make up for everything they have given up until that point. Nevertheless, it could be seen as a big gesture in their eyes, and they could expect to receive something back. In fact, this could be something that only takes place when they want one to do something for them. It could mean doing something straight after, or they might expect something a few days later.

The Reason

One way of looking at this would be to say that one only hears from these people when they want something. It then won't matter if they want to spend time with them or need their help, as it won't be possible. It can then appear as though they no longer live in the same area, or seem as though they have left the planet. In reality, they are probably taking advantage of someone else, and until this changes, they could be out of reach.

Distant

Alternatively, one could get in touch with them to see how they are doing and they could answer their question/s, but that could be as far as it goes. They are then happy to extend themselves as one is giving their energy to them and yet they are not willing to return the favor. One is then making the effort to see how they are doing, but they are going to be wasting their energy. There is also the chance that they will ask how they are and say about meeting in a few days or in a week.

Flaky

After the time has passed, one could find that they can't get hold of them, or they may say that they forgot all about it. They could say that they will contact them and then this doesn't take place. Clearly, these are things that can happen from time to time, but this is not what is being spoken about here. What this relates to is when this is something that happens on a regular basis.

A Decision

When one is using to having people in their life who behave in this way, it will be important for them to think about whether they won't to put up with it any longer. As all the time they put up with this behavior, there is going to be no reason for these people to change. It might also be necessary for one to look into why they put up with, as this could be a sign that they don't value themselves. Therefore, if they started to feel better about themselves, they might no longer put up with this kind of behavior, and this would then create the space for them to attract people who are different.

3 Reasons Why She Will Not Go With You On A Date

This is for all those guys out there who don't even have an idea why they are constantly being rejected by a girl. If you really want to land on a date, it's time to realize what is wrong and start changing yourself. Girls are quite particular with their partners. It's either you don't have the qualities that they are looking for or simply put you are not extending any effort. Women don't want guys who make them feel unimportant. What's the point of dating a girl if you don't intend to love her?

Assuming that you are after a serious relationship with the girl you are about to date, here are some "must-knows" for guys who are completely oblivious to their flaws.

She has no idea that you are courting her.

Girls can be naive too, especially those who are quite close to guys. If you are planning to court your best friend, the first thing you have to do is clarify what you feel towards her. Do not rush things. An immediate change of your treatment towards her might scare the girl to the extent that she would choose not to go with you on a date.

Slowly reveal your feelings to her and do not add pressure on her shoulders. Remember that in the first place, she thought you were just a friend. She might feel betrayed with your prompt declaration of love since she expected you to value your friendship. You need to be honest about everything. Reassure her that whatever her decision will be, your friendship will remain the same.

You are too unique for her taste.

Okay, your approach might be way too weird. You frighten her and she thinks you are a pervert and you might eat her alive. Sorry for the procrastination but before you attempt to even talk to a girl, check yourself in the mirror first. Indeed, looks don't matter in a relationship but they do play a vital part in making first impressions.

Don't shock her with a direct invitation on a date. Get to know her first. You can bring her some fascinating flowers or buy her some chocolates to erase her bitterness against you. This is not solely for her purpose but also for you to examine closely if she is indeed worthy of your time. Talk to her friends and discover what she is fond of. This will help you determine if you are actually compatible with each other. Compatibility is an important thing to consider if you want things between you to work out.

She's not ready to go in a relationship.

If you have used up all your hidden gimmicks just to make her say "yes" on a date but the answer is always negative, there must be something wrong with her. Involve her in a serious conversation and ask her if you absolutely have no chance of winning her heart. Be straight to the point, going around in circles will only prolong your agony. If she assures you that you are a good guy but instantly provides you with meaningless alibis, no doubt, she is just not ready for a relationship. For all you know, the previous guy who has courted her might have broken her heart into pieces and she is not yet finished fixing them back together. In short, she has still not moved on. She still needs time and space to recover what she has lost before she could give you the love that you deserve.

Women, in general, are very complicated. It takes time and patience to completely understand them. Be constant in your effort of showing her your love. Soon, without you knowing it, she will eventually agree to your most awaited date.

Is Being Responsive Important?

If one wanted to form new relationships with others, they could pay attention to their appearance and then look into what they can do to improve it. Along with this, one could also look into what else they could do to improve themselves.

And once they have done this, they could end up looking for places where they can socialize with others. However, one could do this without changing their appearance or working on themselves.

Two Approaches

When they are around others, they could be the ones who make the effort, or they could sit back and wait for other people to approach them. As to what approach they take can depend on a number of different factors.

If one is more reserved, for instance, they may find that other people usually take the first step, and when they come into contact with someone, they may prefer to listen. On the other hand, if one is more outgoing they could be the ones who take the first step, and they could then find that they do most of the talking.

Another Experience

Having said that, this might not be the case, and this means that even if one doesn't take the first step, it doesn't mean that they won't talk, in fact, they could end up being the ones who talk the most.

And if one does take the first step, they could also be the ones who don't talk the most. There is also the chance that each of these people will be in balance, and this will then mean that there will be times when they talk and times when they don't.

A Good Way to Be
Through having this ability, it will give them the chance to create relationships that are in balance. If one could only talk and they were unable to listen, they wouldn't be able to find out others.

Ultimately, they would be ignoring the other person's needs and they could come across as self-centered. It might then be a challenge for them to develop relationships with others, and if they do, it could be a sign that it's only because these people don't value themselves.

The Other Side

On the other hand, if one could only listen and they were unable to talk about themselves, it won't be possible for other people to find out about their life. As a result of this, they will be ignoring their own needs.

Other people could also see them as secretive, and it could then be difficult for them to connect to them. Thus, one could end up spending time with people who only talk about themselves, and this could cause them to feel as though their needs are not important.

Relationships

Nevertheless, even if one wasn't looking to develop new relationships with others and only wanted to improve the ones they have, it will still be important for them to be able to listen and to talk. Therefore, if their relationships are not as they would like them to be; they could look into whether they are in balance.

During this time, they may find that although they talk about their own life, they don't spend much time listening to what their friends have to say. Alternatively, they may find that even though they listen, they don't share enough of their own life with others.

Certain People

And while one could be a certain way with everyone they know; they could also find that this is not the case. For example, one may find that even though they are in balance when it comes to some people, they are not always this way.

But if one is the same around everyone they spend their time with, it could be said that they will have all the more reason to change. This could mean that one simply needs to pay attention to how they behave and then to change their behavior or they might need to reach out for external support, for instance.

Intimacy

When one's relationships are not very fulfilling, it could also be a sign that there is a lack of intimacy. This will then mean that it will be important for one to reveal more about themselves.

And as they do this, it may also encourage the people they spend their time with to do the same thing. One could then find that this will bring them closer to some of the people they spend their time with and that they will no longer be drawn to others; this is because some of these people might not be willing to change.

Being Responsive

In order for intimacy to take place, one will need to open up and the other person will need to be responsive to what they have to say. And one will also need to behave in the same way when someone else opens up.

When this happens, will one listen to what the other person has to say and they won't change the subject. This means that one will be displaying empathy and acknowledging what they have to share.

Everyday Life

However, even though it will be important for one to be responsive when it comes to experiencing intimacy, it doesn't mean that this is the only time when it matters. What this comes down to is that human beings are generally drawn to people who are responsive to what they have to say.

Due to this, it won't matter whether they are talking about their feelings or what they have been doing that day. So through being responsive, one could end up creating a new friend or they could strengthen an existing relationship.

How To Forget A Failed Relationship

A broken heart can feel like it will never heal. But people can and do forget failed relationships and move on with their lives often to happier and more fulfilling relationships. Changing your thoughts and behavior is very important. Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson says the way you think about a loss often dictates how you will feel about it, and that there are ways to feel positive, even in dire circumstances. Once you begin to feel better, you are more likely to pursue positive activities that will make forgetting a failed relationship much easier.

Step 1

Allow yourself to grieve. Do not pretend you are not sad, if this is how you feel. Do not let feelings of sadness overwhelm you, however; continue to get on with your life and engage in positive behaviors. When you find yourself feeling sad, engage in positive self-talk. Tell yourself that it’s normal to be sad when a relationship fails, but at the same time, remind yourself that things will get better and you will find a new love one day.

Step 2

Focus on the positives. Reframe this as a time to pursue lost interests, develop new talents and enhance your independent identity. These experiences will give your identity more depth and make the loss less devastating to you. It is possible to expand your social circle and preoccupy your mind by engaging in challenging new activities. If your life purpose was your relationship and this failed, you need to develop a new life purpose that is not dependent on another person to maintain true happiness.

Step 3

Volunteer with a local charity. Helping others is one of the best ways to get your mind off yourself and allow you to feel fortunate, even though you’ve had a devastating loss. There are plenty of organizations in need of your skills, such as the National Humane Society, the Red Cross or your local homeless shelter.

Step 4

Become more comfortable being alone. The principles of positive psychology indicate that focusing on what you are feeling during an event lodges that memory into your mind. The more positive emotions we can recall, the happier we view our lives to be. Take a walk, noticing the beauty of nature all around you. When you find yourself feeling happy, give yourself permission to experience those emotions fully. Over time, you will associate the feeling of being alone with increased happiness and you will become less dependent on relationships to meet your needs.

Step 5

Fantasize about a future without your ex, in which you are more happy and content. Write out these fantasies and read them at least once a day. Make them as vivid as possible. By allowing yourself to think of a future without him, you will reintroduce hope into a time that can appear quite hopeless.

Step 6

Date other people, after an appropriate amount of time has passed. When you are feeling more comfortable being by yourself, it’s a good idea to start dating again. Focus just on the date and that person and avoid comparing her with your ex. The more good experiences you have, the more miles you will put between you and the breakup.

10 Signs He is In Love With You

1. He'll change his plans to be with you

He will drop his plans or whatever he’s doing to help you, or be with you. This signals that you are a priority and his care and concern centers around you.

2. He makes it known you're important to him

He makes it known to you that you are important to him. This can be in a variety of ways: he could say it, but he could also show it by appreciating you, appreciating the things he knows are important to you, responding to calls, texts and emails quickly and lovingly, and integrating you into his daily life.

3. He includes you in his social life

He introduces you to his family, and circle of friends. He is affectionate with you in front of them and uses “we” a lot. It’s a big deal to integrate a new partner into your life, your close circle and your loved one, so if he’s gone beyond the initial introduction and including you in his social life with people who are meaningful, then it’s very likely love, or on its way to love.

4. He talks about his hopes and dreams for the future with you

He discusses future plans together. Not just about your relationship, but shares his dreams for the future. If he considers you part of his future, then you can tell it’s serious. But you can also tell if his feelings are deepening if he talks about his hopes and dreams for the future generally, and wants to share them with you. He wants you to know him and that increases intimacy and love.

5. He values your opinion

He seeks your opinion on matters that are personal and values the opinion you share. In a true partnership, both partners will value one another perspectives, wisdom and opinions. If he is doing this, then you’re in his heart and mind.

6. He does things he may not enjoy, simply because it makes you happy

He does things he make not like very much, but knows you like, and that’s important enough for him. Love is often a choice, to extend you for and towards another person. If your man does things for you that you know he’d never choose himself, whether it’s a big or a little thing, it’s probably love.

7. He listens to you

He doesn’t just lust you but also listens to you. You can tell love is happening when he’s just as happy or almost talking with you and building your connection outside the bedroom as spending every minute together taking one another clothes off.

8. He's by your side looking after you when you're sick

He takes care of you if you’re sick. Men aren’t always known for being the best nurses, but if his nurturing and caring instincts kick in when you’re sick and he asks what you need, and genuinely wants to do what he can for you, then you know he thinks you’re pretty special.

9. He's interested in knowing everything about you

He wants to know everything about you, wants to meet your family, get to know your friends, and is deeply interested in your life, thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams. If he’s really falling in love with you, he will be intensely interested in everything about you and your world.

10. He makes an effort

He’s romantic with you- which don’t necessarily mean chocolates, cuddles and flowers, but rather means he makes the effort and time to find out what’s meaningful to you as a woman to be desired and adored, and then does that with his own thought and flair. And to top it all off, he tells you he loves you.

The Key to Keeping Him Insanely Addicted

These days, many women admittedly find that they can no longer keep a man’s attention. Even more shocking, is the fact that many women find they struggle to keep a man’s attention for even 5 minutes, even if she’s known him for years.

We’ve reached the shockingly defining moment in our era, where many women have easily experienced a guy who would have an amazing night with them, and tell them just how great they were only to never call back after. Gone are the days where men spent weeks, months, and even years chasing down a woman, or trying to get her attention.

Instead, we find, almost comically, that women instead have taken over the role of the chasers, in a desperate bid to garner even just a tiny amount of affection. And of course nobody could blame a woman for practically hunting down and clamping onto a man in this day and age, where the average attention span of an adult has now reached a mere 3 seconds.

To put it bluntly, a goldfish has a longer attention span now, than the average modern man. But we can’t exactly blame the guys either. You have to keep in mind the fact that they are constantly being bombarded with ads, and images, and peer pressure to move onto the next bigger or better thing.

There’s even constant pressure, now more than ever even for women too,  have teeth just two shades whiter, dress just a little bit better, style your hair just a little bit more fuller. The list goes on and on and never seems to end. It can be extremely frustrating, especially when this reality takes over your love life, with men who also appear to be looking for the next best thing, and with guys who can’t seem to stay on the same page for too long, especially when it comes to love.

It’s at this point that something has to give or change. Obviously you can’t continue attempting relationship after relationship with a guy who runs around like a zebra from a lion in his love life. And obviously you can’t constantly be forced to feel like you’re never going to be loved the way you need, and deserve from a man, because love is in such short supply.

But this, obviously, is where it comes in with a very easy and quick solution, because the problem you are facing the one where you struggle to get a man to love you whole heatedly, is a problem that can be easily fixed.

The Key Is To Use The Moving Target Method

I hope that by now, if you’ve read this far, you’ve been having a little ‘aha’ kind of moment going on in your head, and even if not, I promise you that you’re about to, because there’s one simple fact that have already revealed to you that will play an important role moving forward.

What fact is that? The secret key to this fact that you must remember is this: Men actually only struggle to keep their attention on you, only if there’s not enough motivation. So what does that mean exactly?

It means this: if you can create enough interest, or enough motivation inside a man. He’ll become drawn to you like bees to honey. Thus, the key to truly igniting a man’s passion toward you, or igniting any true emotional reaction from a man is to know exactly how to keep his attention sustained indefinitely on you.

You will see something very interesting happens when you understand the buildup process, and when you become a moving target for him. You create a chase, and this chase creates an intense attraction buildup inside of a man.

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